When the Inner Critic Gets Loud After Disruption (and what you can do about it)
Disruption doesn’t just shake your external life—it shakes your inner world too.
After a major loss, change, or unexpected ending, it’s common to feel off balance, uncertain, raw. But what often surprises people is what happens next:
A vicious inner critic shows up.
Louder than before.
Sharper. Meaner.
And much harder to quiet.
“You Should Be Over This By Now.”
That’s one of its favorite lines.
Or maybe yours says:
“This is all your fault.”
“You should’ve seen this coming.”
“Why can’t you handle this better?”
“Everyone else is moving on—what’s wrong with you?”
In moments when we most need compassion, the critic can turn up the volume—weaponizing our pain and spinning stories of inadequacy and failure.
Why? Because the inner critic is trying to protect you, in its own distorted way.
The Inner Critic Is a Bodyguard in Disguise
The critic often emerges from earlier life experiences—times when being “perfect,” “good,” or “in control” felt like the only way to stay safe, accepted, or loved.
So when disruption strikes, and those old patterns no longer work, the critic panics.
It barks louder.
Tighter.
Harsher.
As if shame and self-judgment will help you regain control.
But it never works.
Not for long.
Because what you really need isn’t more pressure.
You need presence. Compassion. Support.
What You Can Do When the Inner Critic Takes Over
Here’s what I share with clients when their inner critic is in full force:
Name it.
Call it what it is. “This is my inner critic, not the truth.”Locate it.
Where do you feel it in your body? Is it tightness? Heat? Numbness? Bringing awareness to sensation can help loosen its grip.Get curious.
What is the critic trying to protect you from? Often it’s fear—of rejection, of failure, of not being enough.Introduce another voice.
One of care. One that says: “Of course you’re struggling. You’ve been through so much. And you’re doing the best you can.”
Disruption Is Tender Ground
The inner critic thrives in vulnerability—but so does healing.
And healing isn’t about silencing the critic once and for all. It’s about learning how to hear it without believing it. About learning to meet its panic with groundedness, and over time, to build a different kind of relationship with yourself.
A more truthful one. A kinder one.
If you’re in a season of disruption and the voice in your head is making it even harder—you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you don’t have to navigate it by yourself.
You can replace judgment with self-trust.
Not all at once, but one breath, one moment, one day at a time.
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